Turning the page on a new chapter in my life

(I am having some serious issues lately with blogger and the font not being the same! Feel free to offer advise if you know how to fix this. Thanks)

Well, If most of you didn't know, I worked at Division of Child and Family Services for the State of Utah. There were three sections in our building: Foster Care, In Home Services, and Child Protective Services (CPS). I worked in CPS and investigated child abuse. I was also the person who removed children from their homes due to neglect or abuse. I would place the children in foster homes and then transfer the case to a foster care worker. If I didn't remove the children, the case was either closed or was taken to court and placed under court ordered services, In Home services and I would also transfer the case. I was the front line worker and handed off the case or closed it. It was a pretty stressful job ensuring children's safety. There was plenty of stress, deadlines, court reports, witnessing child abuse (true story-at a restaurant while eating lunch) red tags, on call (answered calls and responded to emergencies during the night), angry confrontational parents, being yelled at constantly, and closing cases, etc. I made it past the average burn out rate of two years. It is just an intense job.

And for all of you out there that think abuse and neglect doesn't happen in your neighborhoods, wake up. When we first moved to St. George four years ago, I hadn't a clue, just thought it was a beautiful place. It still is a beautiful place. Just so you understand, on my CPS team, there were 8 investigators like myself, my supervisor and two support staff. All of us investigators had as any one time a case load of 15-20 cases. Cases lasted 30 days. It was a constant rotation of getting new cases and closing your old ones. 8 investigators x average 16 cases per month = 128 cases of abuse or neglect to investigate each month. I know the case loads are higher now with my leaving, sorry guys. 128 CASES! And this is little old St. George, UT. We have our hands full and I can only image the horror of large cities, Las Vegas, L.A., New York, etc.

Two of my friends and coworkers Kristi S and Tiffany B who were pregnant with me when I was pregnant with Olivia, and our babies were born within two months. Tiffany quit in July and Kristi in October. Our job is pretty tough when you have little, little ones at home and there isn't any type of part time work even offered. Kristi graciously allowed me to reference her sentiments after she quit this last fall.

"Working for DCFS, I helped parents get their children back. Most of our clients got their children taken away from abusing drugs, abusing their children, and a lot of other reasons. I saw things that I never thought could happen, I experienced some of the most life changing events of people's lives. I watched parents relinquish their parental rights, I watched children go back home to their parents, I fought to terminate parental rights, I watched families adopt sweet children, I was there when the children said goodbye to their parents for the last time, I testified for hours in trials, I reported to the Judge, I held children as they cried, I cried, I watched parents come off drugs and some stay on drugs. I was threatened, lied to, and yelled at on a daily basis. I think a DCFS worker is THE hardest job there is. It is a thankless job and it is a hard job. But I am so thankful I had the opportunity to work there for the last three years. My eyes were opened to the real world, to the drug world. Somehow, the children made it all worth it. They needed a voice, and I was able to be their voice for three years. But 40 hours a week was just too much. "

Well, I am right there with Kristi and saw some of the same things, daily. I also followed Tiffany and Kristi’s lead, gave my two week resignation, have two weeks under my belt of being a stay at home mom and I LOVE IT! I always had regrets not being home with my kids, missing out on so much of their development and milestones. I just hated it. I will always be grateful for the experience this job gave me. It opened my eyes to a world I hated to admit existed. I feel more knowledgeable about quit a few things now, #1 being "the system," child abuse, domestic violence, negligence, the court system, testifying (my most feared aspect of my job-gave me serious anxiety, including a panic attack once during an administrative hearing) etc. I could go on and on for quite a while. However, I think I learned the most about drugs. I was pretty naive. I don't think I can adequately describe this cunning and evil tool the devil has devised to tear apart families. It is horrible how drugs mess up people. Drug addiction is a serious thing and I feel like a now understand it better coming from the social worker point of view and how it affected the parents I worked with. If for nothing else, it gave me ammunition for when my kids are teenagers and are surrounded with the influence of drugs.

It is a hard job, a thankless job, at times too emotional, and some serious stress. This decision to resign took a lot of thought, prayer, and some doubts too. I take my hat off to my coworkers who continue the fight, I respect you beyond words. I feel I need to be at home with my children. Already, an immense load has been lifted off my shoulders, literally, I feel lighter. It is hard to put my feelings into satisfactory words. I have three and a half years of this job bottled up inside of me, which will just have to stay there. At home with my children: wonderful, wouldn't trade it for the world. This change, not being able to see my coworkers, my team each day, the people who you laugh with and joke, the only ones who really understand your job (since everything is confidential and you can't talk about it outside of work with anyone). It is bitter sweet. And now, onto a new chapter...

Last photo taken with my CPS team.

Bottom Row: Supervisor Shirley Owen, Subrina, Michelle, DCFS Nurse Erin. Top Row: Julie, Brook, myself, Josie, Wendy, Steven and Tom in the very back.